People No Longer Care About Darwell's Happiness

If you can't stand the heat, stay out of the kitchen

Photo by Masahiro Naruse on Unsplash

Pineapple, anyone?

The other day I told the story of (not) poor Darwell, a chef that recently fucked up to the point where he offended a lot of people in the local area. He is now, despite his protests, having trouble bringing in customers now. It appears that even in Mississippi, some people are over MAGA people’s bigotry.

This not so bright specimen of humanity made an offensive video that spread all over the internet very quickly. That’s often what happens when one records themselves being a dick in this day and age.

It seems that apart from making a complete and utter fool of himself, Darwell Yeager III also serves lots of pineapple. Someone needs to tell Darwell that swinging is also a sin, because the word on the street is that he and his wife are quite active in that community.

Darwell and Mechelle have spent hours this past week attempting damage control on Facebook, but it seems they aren’t very good at it. Now Darwell is issuing not so veiled threats. Take a look at that knife, I’m sure he’s just being a nice, friendly guy. Or not. That, folks, is what we call a threat.

Poor Darwell is being bullied by those nasty-ass conservatives who called him on his shit. Unfortunately for Darwell, he has plenty of conservatives upset with him also, but that’s probably more to do with the swinging and meth rather than being against bigotry.

I think Darwell might be protesting a little too much, especially since the video wasn’t particularly difficult to understand. I think the hardest thing to understand was how Darwell didn’t know about the law of fucking around and finding out. The video containing the offensive content was pretty clear.

Of course, there are many people telling us liberals to back off because Darwell and Mechelle have “freedom of speech.” It seems unfathomable to these people that so do we, which means we get to express our outrage just as much as he gets to peddle his bullshit. These two now have a secret Facebook group for the cafe where MAGA people keep egging them on.

There was the person who insisted that us horrible liberals wanted Darwell and Mechelle to starve because that’s what will happen if their business goes bust. If there really are that many people who support them, then their business is safe, right? After all, that’s what Darwell wants us to believe, despite the photos taken by people driving past Darwell’s Happiness Cafe at lunchtime showing a completely empty parking lot.

Seeing as they are Trump supporters, these two have the same great “family values” that the rest of them do. Pineapple, anyone? Aren’t MAGA the party of “personal responsibility?” Or does that only apply to the liberals they hate? It seems that Darwell should have a backup plan because he only has himself to blame.

People have shown up in droves on social media to talk about their experiences with Darwell, Mechelle, and Darwell’s Happiness Cafe, and most of it is not good. Actually it’s really bad. Former teenage employees who left on good terms have accused these two of grooming them.

Nobody seems to care about Darwell’s happiness anymore, which is a shame because I have heard that sometimes they celebrate things with pineapple upside down cake. While I enjoy that kind of cake, for me it’s strictly a flavor of cake and unrelated to my sex life.

It seems like Darwell and Mechelle have enough drama to keep them busy for quite some time, despite the fact that they are cowards who delete things hours later when it’s clear that nobody is buying what they are trying to sell, and certainly not pineapples. They are people that thrive on drama (and meth).

It’s easier to cry and say liberals are bullying them than it is to take responsibility for their actions, but this entire shit show is a little extreme. I’m not going to eat any pineapple, but I might make a package of microwave popcorn to see the rest of the show.

Darwell is finding out that meth, pineapple, and bigotry aren’t a good mix.