The Loneliness of Mysticism

Being treated like I'm crazy gets really fucking old

Photo by Jr Korpa on Unsplash

Being an expert, or at least having a professional level of knowledge in demonology wasn’t really something I wanted to take on, but it’s always been a part of my life. I’ve committed more than my fair share of truly evil deeds, but these days I’m serving God. Like Christians in times past, I still have things that try to draw me away from the love of God, which is why my baptismal vows are so important to me.

Consider St. Paul, who says that God allowed a messenger of Satan to essentially harass him even though he was doing God’s work. Paul also recounts events where he says he can’t remember if what he saw was a vision, or if he left his body. It doesn’t really matter, was what Paul was essentially saying, and it doesn’t here either except to say that obviously Paul had experience with such things.

I’m not surprised that Paul would have such experiences, because after all, his conversion story was dramatic and huge. With hate in his heart and still on fire to persecute, torture, and murder as many of these people as he could, God met him where he was at.

He had been on his way to harm more of God’s people at that very moment, and was getting close to a town named Damascus when God shone a light in his face, knocking him off his horse, and speaking to him in a vision. Paul knew he was talking to Jesus, and Jesus was inviting him to quit resisting his mercy and grace, and Paul did so and was converted.